1. QUIET CONFIDENCE

Nothing is more attractive than confidence when meeting someone in the flesh. While a photo or video may show someone to be physically beautiful all know that images can lie. Physicality is quickly subjugated by body language and presence. Use your physicality wisely. Those who are comfortable in their own skin and space don’t rely on words, boasting or flair to attract, others around feel the assuredness and are magnetized by it. Faking confidence can lead to narcissism, which detracts. Steer away from narcissism in yourself and others.

Regardless of how beautiful or talented one is, confidence is not inherent to most. It has to be cultivated.

It occurs when excelling or participating in an activity that is rewarding. It may be athletics, academics, occupational, child rearing, teaching, computers, fashion or so much more where you find your passion, confidence usually resides. Add a healthy lifestyle to it, and a genuine confidence will emerge. Once found, begin your journey within the comfortable circles where the passion was found, until ready and then step outside boundaries expanding in your world.

2. MYSTERIOUS

The less defined, the far more intriguing you become. Think like The Count of Monte Cristo. Tease with your best assets but don’t reveal all. Leave room for imagination, which is always better than reality. For men keep something close to your chest that is sacred, but not threatening, and leave it only available to those that get close. For women, show a map but don’t reveal the journey or destination.

3. PURPOSEFUL MOVEMENTS

Measured, no fidgeting shaking or bombastic gestures. Move fluidly, reserving energy and space to allow others in.

4. BODY LANGUAGE THAT SUBTLY ATTRACTS

Strong posture, open stance, directed toward your target, lean in slightly, hint of a smile. For women consider chin down eyes up, twill of the hair. For men chin up eyes straight ahead.

Use your eyes to draw attention; they are always the most attractive and revealing feature of a person.

5. ORIGINALITY IN STYLE, BUT NOT OFFENSIVE

Accentuate that which sets you apart. Allow others to take notice, but be careful not to overly distract or offend. Make sure it is genuine, otherwise it will detract. Don’t try to be what you are not.

6. CHAMELEON SKILLS

Blend into any situation. Be comfortable and allow others to feel comfortable in your presence. To prepare, study a crowd before joining, know who you will meet and what the music, food, flavors and purpose will be. Go into it with optimism. The next important person in your life may emerge from behind the walls.

7. LISTEN MORE THAN TALK

The more you intently and genuinely listen the more attractive others will find you. Most love to hear themselves talk, let them. And be ready with the next question to ask. Inquire about their passions. If you can uncover and share in it, the conversation will be memorable for both.

8. CAUTIOUS WITH WORDS BUT ADVENTUROUS IN THOUGHT

Think before you talk. Loose words, flippant sentences, and unrefined phrases have ruined many great relationships before even starting. While attractive physical features may open the door, an ugly tongue and tone will get your thrown out even faster.

9. GROOMED

Natural makeup for women accentuates symmetry and unique facial features. Too much makeup will diminish likability and trustability, but will allow a shine for the short term. If wanting something more serious or long term, makeup should be applied with a gentle thoughtful touch. Men should look naturally clean but not overly polished. Neatly shown hands, feet, fingernails and hair can be used to accentuate or damage a first impression.

Be cognizant of how you present your assets.

Long hair for both men and women hints at a youthful unrestrained life and of a personality more open to the unknown elements. Your clothing, jewelry, tattoos, piercings tell your story before you even speak. Use them wisely. If wanting to impress, then dress a bit more conservatively than your targets. If wanting to be different and make statement, do the opposite. Although the flaunting will make you stand out and may open a new door, the risk of rejection is high. As your grandmother probably told you when meeting someone new, it’s better to be overdressed than underdressed.

10. MODERATION

In biology, nothing contributes to survival more than a life of moderation. While at times it may seem uneventful those who can find a middle way tend to be the most grounded and prepared for any occurrence. They are the ones most gravitated toward for compassion and partnership. For the young, a life of extremes is attractive and appealing in the short term. But it is a losing strategy of attraction for the long term. The ones who push the boundaries of life, love and liberty are riveting from a distance, but tend to be repelling in close proximity. If set on dancing near an edge know how far the fall is just in case.

Keep in mind, those who control their appetite and emotions are usually the most powerful and attractive people at the table.