1. The Physical 

A striking attraction occurs at a subconscious level, often chemically initiated after an in-person encounter. Phero mones play a significant role in sparking this attraction and determining whether there is “chemistry.” An early kiss introduces an opportunity to exchange saliva and pheromones, potentially serving as the most expedient way to subconsciously test for a true genetic match. 

If the chemistry is right, cortisol and norepinephrine levels rise while serotonin decreases, leading to a stress-like reaction. Heart rate and blood pressure elevate, hearts skip a beat, pupils dilate, skin becomes sweaty, memory and mental acuity sharpen, appetite suppresses, trembling occurs, and nervous energy consumes the body. An obsessive-compulsive response emerges as one experiences persistent thoughts about the other person. 

Testosterone levels in men and estrogen levels in women rise, intensifying lustful attraction. Secondary sexual features of the face, body, and genitals swell as dopamine surges, inducing euphoria. The emotional response is further amplified by elevated oxytocin, which reduces pain and dampens anxiety. Women become more emotionally attuned and discerning of male motivations. While both partners experience a rise in libido, the surging testosterone in men drives a profound focus on the physical. However, if a true and lasting love is to develop,  sexual activity alone will not suffice—the couple must transition to the next stage. 

(Note: This subconscious first stage of love requires an in-person meeting.) 

2. The Psyche 

As serotonin levels rise and dopamine stabilizes, a calmer, more sustainable attraction takes hold. Oxytocin levels continue to increase, especially as physical touch is integrated into the relationship. These pair-bonding neuropeptides reinforce the pleasure of touch. 

At this stage, subconscious attraction evolves into conscious attraction as partners identify common interests and explore compatibility. Sexual attraction remains important, but primal subconscious lust now intertwines with rational thought processes within the frontal cortex of the brain. Elevated oxytocin increases a woman’s trust in her partner and strengthens male fidelity, reinforcing the desire for a committed relationship. 

However, if the relationship does not progress toward a deeper connection, dopamine and oxytocin levels quickly decline. Many relationships dissolve at this point, as physical and sexual bonds alone are insufficient without the potential for lasting love. 

3. The Familial 

At this stage, love extends beyond the individual to include their family and support system. Partners seek commonalities, contemplating the merging of two familial units. If romantic love is to endure, forming bonds with each other’s families and or support structures can be essential in facilitating the next phase of deepening commitment. 

Oxytocin levels remain high as sexual intimacy transcends physical satisfaction, becoming a crucial mechanism for strengthening emotional bonds. Partners become increasingly familiar with each other—their voices, scents, and physical presence subconsciously prime them for positive emotions and affectionate behaviors.

4. The Institutional 

At this stage, partners begin to fall in love with every aspect of each other, including their heritage, language,  customs, and deeply ingrained influences. Traits or behaviors that may have initially been irritating become more tolerable in light of the overall relationship’s value. The love shared now encompasses the broader institutional aspects of each partner’s life, which, if children are in the couple’s future, will need to merge into a unified foundation. 

The neurobiological aspects of love reach homeostasis as hormones and neuropeptides settle into a sustainable balance. Consistent sexual intimacy plays a vital role in maintaining closeness, reinforcing the investment in a long-term partnership, and preparing for the potential arrival of offspring. 

If conception occurs, a biological phenomenon known as microchimerism can further solidify the bond between partners. Fetal cells—composed of 50% paternal DNA—may embed into the mother’s tissue, creating a lasting genetic connection that deepens their union. But in parallel, over time, partners (mother and father) may begin to share mannerisms, resembling one another, and align their long-term goals. Persistent physical closeness and affectionate touch reinforce the relationship, as oxytocin levels remain critical for sustaining long-term love. 

As male testosterone levels decline, so does aggression, increasing focus on supporting the family unit and reducing the likelihood of infidelity. 

5. The Soul 

In the final stage of true love, partners become so deeply connected that they feel one another’s presence even when apart. Their emotions, thoughts, and energies intertwine in a seemingly spiritual way. 

Is there a neurobiological explanation for this phenomenon? Emerging research in quantum mechanics continues to uncover the ethereal, collective consciousness shared between individuals and societies. Future studies may shed further light on the undeniable connections between bonded partners—connections long observed between mothers and their children and now being recognized between two individuals who have forged a profound and lasting love. 

The Primal Response and the Importance of Physical Presence 

This primal love response is the result of eons of human evolution and does not develop in the same way through virtual relationships or screen-based interactions. All senses—including touch, taste, and smell—must be engaged.  Without in-person interactions, oxytocin levels do not reach the threshold necessary to establish a deep, enduring bond. 

If one seeks a love that is authentic, lasting, and fulfilling, it is imperative to connect in person.